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| Damn those scones are a lot of calories. |
I don't want to have to buy quinoa to lose weight. I don't want to have to think about being "healthy" or what's "best for me" or "omg don't get an eating disorder" or "you'll never be like model sized anyway just like your body as it is now #BODYPOSITIVE."
No, I want to be 135 pounds. That would make me so happy I literally think I would cry.
And the thing is, losing weight has actually never been hard for me. I lost 4 pounds in 4 days last week, and now I'm back to an almost-normal weight for me, at 145 pounds (technically 145.2 this morning, but who's counting decimals? Oh right, I am).
The hard thing is CONTINUING to lose weight. Something always fucks me up when I'm on a roll, whether it be my mom buying Oreos and persuading me to have one, or my friends pressuring me to stop drinking skinny girl margaritas and to pound rum shots on the weekend, or you know, I have to go on a muthafuckin DATE or HANGOUT and if I order something small/a salad/a bowl of soup as my meal (I love soup, it's a weight/fat-killer, more on that later) someone's going to accuse me of being anorexic and say "Lighten up and eat eat eat."
Now, ok, friends who are now mad at me. Yes I have (read: do) struggled with body issues, but have they ever seriously impacted my health? No. Because I'm not even skinny. I've gained weight overall in my most body-conscious, BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) filled years. I could lose a few, and still be totally "healthy," not that I care, but you do, so please just let me diet in peace. I don't want to think about my health, I want to think about my weight. Yes, it is just a number, and yes, it does matter to me what that number is.
Losing weight is hard enough without being pressured to eat all the time. Just let me lose like ten more pounds, or maybe 15, and then start to worry if I'm obsessing. For now, just let me eat my soup & count my calories in peace.
Now, ok, friends who are now mad at me. Yes I have (read: do) struggled with body issues, but have they ever seriously impacted my health? No. Because I'm not even skinny. I've gained weight overall in my most body-conscious, BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) filled years. I could lose a few, and still be totally "healthy," not that I care, but you do, so please just let me diet in peace. I don't want to think about my health, I want to think about my weight. Yes, it is just a number, and yes, it does matter to me what that number is.
Losing weight is hard enough without being pressured to eat all the time. Just let me lose like ten more pounds, or maybe 15, and then start to worry if I'm obsessing. For now, just let me eat my soup & count my calories in peace.
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